Why You’re Getting Distracted During Sex (And What You Can Do About It)

Do you often find yourself thinking about other things when you are supposed to enjoy a steamy sex session with your partner? You are not alone.


  • You are just distracted
  • It is not because your partner is less attractive
  • It has nothing to do with arousal
  • Practise outside the bedroom
  • Employ foreplay
  • Expect distractions
  • Use your body to stay present

How To Turn Your Brain Off During Sex And Avoid Distraction

If You Are Distracted During Sex — The Doctors Talk

The after-dinner cleaning is done. You’ve turned off the TV and you’ve made it to bed. It’s time for a hot session with your partner or by yourself that you’ve been dreaming about all day. As you traverse from appetizer to the main course, your mind takes a drastic turn. You pay attention to all the unnecessary events in your life — the beef between two celebrities, your friend’s controversial Instagram post, and even your work deadlines. Before you realize it, your millions of miles away from the ‘sexy’ time with your partner… mentally and don’t know ho to deal with this distraction during sex. 

This phenomenon where you’re unable to focus on the present, especially during sex, is a common situation that many people experience this distraction. It’s also most common in women. Men, on the other hand – the lucky beings, are good at compartmentalizing their thoughts and emotions. 

15 Women Talk About Distraction During Sex

Women On Distraction During Sex | Source: Glamour

It doesn’t mean you aren’t attracted to your partner or you aren’t having amazing sex with them. Interestingly, you enjoy spending time with them. So, why does your mind wander? It is natural for it to seem bewildering on the surface, but the reason for the wandering mind is quite simple. 

Let’s jump on it right away to why you get distracted during sex, and how to deal with it. 

You’re distracted

Because you’re just distracted!

It’s as simple as that. You’re distracted during sex. There are a lot of things that occur in our daily lives, but there’s also another part of our lives that we’re lost in that’s right at our fingertips – our cellular devices. We’re multi-taskers by nature. We do several things in one go, but when it’s time for some bedroom action, our mind is forced to focus on just one thing — intimacy with the partner. This is the reason why your brain wanders off occasionally, in search of more stimuli, as the brain is used to doing multiple things at once. 

Not because you find your partner less attractive

We don’t mind repeating this again. Your wandering mind doesn’t define the level of attraction towards your partner. It may give that impression, but don’t fall for it. Your mind willtake a stroll, even when your partner looks like Chris Hemsworth

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Find out how couples can avoid having tech distract from their sex life.

Not because you’re not aroused

Distraction during sex doesn’t conclude ‘bad sex.’ Your mind happily distracts even when you’re getting a nice massage, getting a delicious meal, or doing other physical activities. This doesn’t mean that the food was bad, or the massage wasn’t up to the mark. So, now that you know how common the case of a meandering mind is, let’s focus on tackling the conundrum: how to be present during sex.

Practise outside the bedroom

The best hack to focusing in the bedroom is to start outside of it. It’s all about being mindful. One of the best ways to start focusing on one thing is by not multitasking. Period. For instance, when you’re watching TV, don’t use your phone. When you’re eating, just eat. When you’re walking your dog, leave the phone at home. It’s all about paying attention to one task at a time. 

Foreplay… a lot!

No two people’s sex drives are the same. It’s normal. It’s okay to take time to get in the mood when your partner is already aroused. To be focused and to be present, ask your partner to make more time for foreplay. Foreplay isn’t just about getting in the mood physically. It has a lot to do with mental stimulation, too. So, when you take time to get aroused, your focus will naturally align during the moment. 

Expect distractions

That said, you’re never going to be fully present, a hundred percent. It doesn’t matter how dedicated you’re to mindfulness. Your mind can’t stop thinking. Rather, adjust your expectations, minimize your thoughts, and acknowledge your distractions instead of eliminating them completely. 

Use your body to stay present

Although you may have several thoughts during sex, the best way to stay in the moment is by focusing on how your body reacts to different sensations. Once you’ve acknowledged your thoughts, take a deep breath, and redirect your attention to specific body parts. When you’re in tune with your body on how it feels, you’ll find it easier to be present. 

Yes, staying present during sex can seem like a massive hiccup when you’re distracted by your thoughts constantly; but focusing on the ‘now’ is easier than you think. 

Also, along with having hotter sex, you get to improve your skills in mindfulness. Now, who doesn’t want that?!

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